Soul Searching

I've always thought of taking a long vacation... To one of those many retreats, you know. The ones that offer the complete package which includes yoga, sauna baths, 'lazing on the beach'  time, ayurvedic massages, blah blah.. So on and so forth.

I don't mean the popular holiday resort vacation.. Rather the exotic ashrams where SILENCE is the forte. Like the one in Neyyar. ( I think the beach isn't included in it though .. Wishful thinking on my part ). It is advertised as 'the journey towards self realization'. How can you possibly 'realize' yourself surrounded by total silence is beyond me. The discipline and the yoga is fine... But silence... For someone like me that would be tantamount to suicide. What I can't understand is - what am I going to realize about myself by utter silence for more than a week that I haven't realized for the past 21 years of my life? Food for thought!

But from numerous recounts of this solitude stay, the base perk always happens to be 'self realization'. I absolutely don't understand. At home, staying in silence is bad..... Except probably if you happen to be in front of the PC.. But even then the speakers have to be blaring for total concentration to come into effect... Silence is distracting and scary. It makes you think about the unwanted and more often than not.. Makes you imagine noises and sounds associated with the night and vampire births (Ok... I am overdoing it I know..). I can't even study without sound.. I need to be shouting what I study out loud.. Accompanied by an effective background score of my favourite music... Silence brings out the worst in me..temper tantrums,grouchiness,irritability...none of which falls anywhere close to 'self-realization'.Which is precisely why I want to know what these ashrams are all about....

I was thinking of booking a package while typing this entry...But well, the price blew me off...So much cash just for staying in silence!! Think I'm better off with the noise!!!